Today is the first day of a new life

If I am to be happy and thus make other people happy, a lot has to change in my life.

First of all, my appearance. No need to look like a skinny top-model, but being the best version of myself seems like a fair enough deal. So, "only" 30 kgs to shed (for the anglosaxons out there, this would be 66 lbs). How? Easy! (hum hum...) Eating less and moving more. Well, I will just take little steps if I can't take large ones. For instance, today I managed not to eat all 4 biscuits in a package and ate only 2. The open package with the other 2 biscuits is just in front of me on my desk and you know what? I actualy do not feel like eating them. This is a humongous victory by my standards. And I also walked to the office. It is only a 15 minute walk, but I stopped to take pictures of flowers along the way and it was lovely.

In second place, my job. Let's face it, I don't like it. It is a wonderful job for someone else. But it is too intellectual for me, too vague and there is the horrible technical and fund-raising issues which are simply a drag. I am sticking to it for the moment, because I am still at least a little bit useful to my boss and to all those people out there who benefit from her knowledge. But I will slowly gear towards something I really like. As I do not know what job would really make me happy (I guess I don't know what colour my parachute is...), I will start doing more often the things I enjoy and take it from there.

Third, my character. Well, quite a bit of polish needed here and there. There is a bit of hot blood that has to cool down (especially while driving), patience to be acquired, and a lot of loving to do. Of myself, yes of course, but especially of others. It is probably not by chance that I am 37 and single. Perhaps I simply do not know how to love, or at least not enough.

Last but not least, my spiritual life. Quite clearly, the plants you do not water die. Faith IS a gift; no-one can spontaneously start believing in God. You could not reach faith by some intellectual effort or reasoning. I received the gift of faith and have been letting it die. The closer it is to completely dying, the unhappier I am. Although I rebel against a certain idea I have of God and of religion as hub of suffering, perpetual bad conscience and limitations, I have the intimate conviction that it is all but that, and I want to rediscover the loving God I used to know, which gave such meaning to my life.

There goes my little programme.